I wept for joy, and then sorrow.

This past Sunday in Church, I found myself with tear filled eyes, as I sniffed and stifled the sounds of my crying, not wishing to make too much of a spectacle of myself beyond those immediately around me.

The service was not particularly centered on Mother’s Day, although Father Thomas spoke about Mary, the Mother of God, during the children’s sermon.

No, it was something more.  


As we sang the hymn, “I heard the Voice of Jesus Say”, I broke into tears of joy as I thought about the words, and how in love I am with Jesus.  I thought about the past 30+ years of knowing and serving my Lord, and the joys of being near His heart.  I thought of how so many are missing so much by their disregard for the life changing power of the Creator of the Universe.

And then I cried again. More tears of joy as we sang “It is Well With My Soul” during Communion.  I got as far as verse 2 and the words, “that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed His own blood for my soul”, before I lost it and had to just sit there, giving heart felt praise to my King and Lord.

I came home elated, full of joy and love, and rejoicing that we have such a Savior as this who loves us so much.  I came home even more in love with Jesus, if that was even possible.

Then it happened, less than 24 hours later.  I wept again.  It was not from joy, but from deep pain and sorrow, that I wept.

Today I read a post from the United Methodist Reporter.  It was entitled, “Big Meeting, Small Change – GC2012 leaves many with blues”

In the article, the author quoted Dr. Dixon Hall, a delegate to the General Conference of the United Methodist Church, 

“Anyone watching the show (and that’s what it was) on Friday can tell you that when you have United Methodists standing on tables, shouting down the presiding officer, and engaging in personal attacks on and off the floor of the plenary session, we have more than walked away from reason. We have run from it,” Dr. Dixon Hall wrote on her blog.

There is so much in this article regarding the sad affairs of one of the largest mainline denomination in the world.

I wept as I read these words from Dr. Hall.  I wept for the Church I have loved, and still love.  I called out to God to show the people of the United Methodist Church how to move forward into the 21st Century as the people of God, full of love, compassion, and unity, not hate, law, and division.

And it is not just the United Methodist Church.  I see so many who call themselves Christians acting in extremely judgmental and hateful ways.  I see so little of the Love of Jesus Christ in the circles called Christianity.  

No wonder so many in the world look at Christianity as a joke.  And no wonder so many are walking away from the Church, declaring they are spiritual, but not religious.

How this must so break the heart of our God.  If I wept, I can only imaging how much more so my Lord and Savior has wept.

The Gospel of John records that Jesus, upon arriving at the home of Mary and Martha, learning that Lazarus has died and had been placed in the grave, “wept”. 

The writer says it was because Jesus love Lazarus so.  Or did Jesus weep because he knew, that no matter how much he did, there would still be people who would act with hate, fear, and injustice, all in the name of God?



About Rev. Carol Crawford Rowe

Mother of two, Grandmother of six, Widow of two, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Minister and follower of Jesus Christ, Author, Lover of Life, Avid Reader, RN, Nurse Educator and Psychiatric Nurse, Retired Pastor, still in active ministry in the marketplace.
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